The Choice

I've always been perplexed with myself. Never have I figured myself out or gotten figured out by anyone. This poem? I had written it a while ago, before concluding that 'There is pleasure, or even better, power in never being completely understood' (a line from one of my blogs). There were days, when I was younger when it would frustrate me, to live not knowing who I am living inside. It would disappoint me, that no one would know me enough to complete my sentences, to know what I m thinking or worse, even when expressed intricately how I think, I would be misinterpreted. ,Only now, after much introspection, have I begun taking comfort in an elusive me. It did take a lot to be as confident as I am now. I had been fighting against the current that carried me, I ve learnt to let go, let myself be taken with the flow, and bask in its subtlety.

The Choice conveys the dilemma I tried to figure in my head.

I’ve been dreaming about the skies,

Going violet with a mysterious stance,

I’ve been dreaming about the flowers

Becoming translucent with a doubting glance,

I’ve been dreaming about the waters,

Transcending into a salty cream,

I’ve been dreaming about the stars,

Cascading down from the celestial stream

I’ve been dreaming about the winds,

Personifying into beautiful beings

I’ve been dreaming about the rains,

Crystallizing into dewy paintings.

I am awakened with a sudden start,

From all that I’ve been dreaming about

I am awakened to a fresh morning,

To witness the world up and waking

I am awakened to an existence,

One that is made to believe disillusions,

I am awakened to a perception,

To laws irrational to intuition,

I am awakened from my destiny of dreams,

Far far away from the truth of realms.

I am awakened to make a crucifying choice,

To follow destiny or to reason with civilization

I opened my waiting eyes,

And the skies are still violet,

The flowers are still translucent,

The waters are a salty cream

And the stars cascade down the stream,

The winds are beautiful beings,

And the rains are crystals in paintings.

I chose.

But to walk, in the path of my destined dreams.